I'm exhausted, mentally and physically drained once again.

It's not that I can't continue on this way any more because we all know that I can.

You have proven that to me in every way imaginable.

Broke bones, crushed cars, scarred skin, shattered relationships; nothing has stopped me. Nothing has paused You.

I trust You with my brokenness completely.

It's just that I don't want to be broken anymore.

I know that makes me selfish. I know that makes me weak.

It makes me human. Mediocre.

It's just that I don't want to fight anymore.

This pain envelopes me and I'm done trying to push it away.

I'm done with pills, pep talks, and fake sincerity.

Even worse is the emptiness. The void of feeling.

I hate this cold tile. I'd rather feel the sting of a blade.

I don't want to have to pull myself together every morning for you.

Can't I just be broken for a while?

Are you certain it's that dreadful to be hopeless?

I want to be the weak one this time.

I want to be taken care of instead of being the care taker.

I'm tired of pretending. Of being used.

I just want to scream. And cry. And sleep.

I just want to run away.

But I can't.

Because you need me to be tough. So I will be relentless.

You need to use me. So I will be worn.

You need me to be broken. So I will be destroyed.

I will recklessly love you. A love that is damaged at best.

But damaged is my excellence.

I'm exhausted, mentally and physically drained and I don't want to fight anymore.

But I will.